Anyone that knows me knows that I have been doing an extensive amount of reading on why and how some people are happier than others. This area of psychology has been termed positive psychology. Sonja Lyubomirsky is just one of the many authors I have read. She authored “The How of Happiness” and “The Myths of Happiness”.
Sonja has shared that we have the ability to control 40% of our happiness through certain activities. One of these activities is performing acts of kindness. In one of her studies, she created three groups of students: a placebo group that didn’t perform any acts of kindness, a group that performed 5 acts of kindness on Fridays and a group that performed 5 act of kindness during the week. The results were that performing acts of kindness raised the happiness level of the two groups that performed them, but that spreading them out over the course of the week had a greater effect. She did share that you can diminish the effect if it is planned too much or if you are looking for some reward for performing the act of kindness. i.e. if you are waiting for the thank you or acknowledgement
I recently performed an act of kindness that raised my happiness level. I am currently going through a divorce and I knew that I didn’t want to celebrate the New Year. It was that time of the year that we all renew our gym membership and I was having a dialogue with a young lady and the conversation on plans for the New Year popped up. She shared that her friends were trying to schedule an elaborate dinner, but that she was struggling for groceries and that the $100 a plate dinner they planned was excessive and that she was probably going to stay home. I worked out, but thought to myself that I was not going to do anything and maybe it would be a nice gesture to leave her some of the money I would normally spend. I placed $40 on her chair without her knowledge and left a note to have a Happy New Year.
I did workout the next day and she put two and two together and thanked me. I just told her she was welcome and to be safe. She is probably 3-5 years older than my daughter and I didn’t want to contribute to the delinquency of someone younger.
I share this story, because I was recently told that what I did was wrong. It was shared that others were laughing about my gesture and that they decided that I had ulterior motives. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I am not sure why people would make you feel bad about performing an act of kindness. I can only assume it has to do with their own inadequacies.
I share this story to bring about a couple lessons as it relates to acts of kindness. First, if you perform acts of kindness it will raise your happiness level. Second, don’t expect a thank you, an award, or any acknowledgement. Third, don’t allow others that criticize your gesture to affect you; only you know your intentions. Finally, the world would be a better place if we all looked for ways to perform an act of kindness daily.
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