This article will speak to being responsible and accountable, taking ownership, being empowered and not assigning blame.

In one of my happiness reads, the author writes to journaling as being a source of happiness.  You can either unload a negative thought or log a positive one.  This article will hopefully do both.

I have a story that may be similar to others.  I started in humble beginnings as a middle child of three with parents that divorced before I entered elementary school.  I learned the necessity of work early in life with a paper route if I was ever to wear jeans without holes or sneakers that weren’t call bobos(negative word tied to low-cost sneaks).  I left home when I was 16 years of age.  I am grateful for the mentors and role models I had throughout the early stages in my life and give them credit for never giving up on me.

However, I do not mean to say that at times in my life I blamed those beginnings on not being where I should be developmentally in life.  Truth be told, I was RESPONSIBLE and ACCOUNTABLE.  I labeled myself a late-bloomer, but I am more accurately an individual with a lower emotional intelligence then my peers.

My first lesson came in the Marine Corps.  I remember one of my Staff Sergeants pulling this Lance Corporal aside and telling me that if I just admitted to making a mistake versus providing an accuse that life would be so much easier.  I did follow this advice but not in its entirety.  If I make a mistake, I will apologize immediately but that doesn’t mean that didn’t mean I stop blaming others for situations.

My career started off great with a Fortune 500 company and I married a girl where it was love at first sight.  We had a beautiful daughter who makes everyday a blessing for me.

Flash forward 15 years, my career is stagnant.  I was started to play the blame game all over again.  My leadership was holding me back not giving me the opportunities I deserved.  I BLAMED my wife for not relocating to a new area for my career.  I allowed my circumstances!

I woke up about 3 years ago to the fact that I was RESPONSIBLE and ACCOUNTABLE for everything.  I committed to changing once and for all.  After all, I turned 50 this year.  I guess some lessons can take a life to learn.

I enrolled into an Accelerated MBA program.  I believe knowledge is power and so I would learn more then my peers and this would open doors.  I applied to a Leadership Class.  The obstacles started to pop up with family and work.  I was the only person in my Leadership Class to pay for its tuition.  My company stated they would not pay and even further asked me if I was willing to use my vacation days for the one Friday a month.  The answer was a resounding, “YES!”  I was EMPOWERED and strived to grow into my potential.  I completed both of these programs.  One of my proudest accomplishments was that I was given the opportunity to chair our Leadership Class project which raised $56,000 for the Opportunity Center for the Homeless in El Paso.  It was an incredible team of people who accomplished what was unthinkable.  There is a lesson on goal setting, barriers in our mind, stretching, and commitment that I will share in other writings in the future.

The career took another dip and the writing was on the wall.  I did not hesitate to recognize and put a plan of action into place to make sure that I could provide for my family.  I have always felt my purpose in life was to be a provider and a role model.  My goal was to leave my daughter in a better place then where I started in my life.

I found 4 opportunities.  Two inside Xerox and two outside.  I have always been accused of being too loyal.  It was Xerox that told me because of the previous years performance that I wasn’t eligible to apply.  Family told me that the one position I thought was the right decision is the one I shouldn’t take.  This was the most difficult decision in my life and it has both a positive and a negative outcome, but I took the position that was outside Xerox which I was told NO by my wife.  I knew that passing on this opportunity could be the worse decision in my career and I prayed that my family would back my decision because we had big obligations around the corner with a kid about to go to college.  I was right about the first and wrong about the second.  I am finally working for a great company where I feel appreciated and I have the opportunity to make the money to be the provider I always wanted to be.

I am officially divorced as of last week.  This situation wasn’t the only thing that caused this outcome, but it may have been the last straw that broke.  I am not RESPONSIBLE for her shortcomings and she is not RESPONSIBLE for mine.  There are certain regrets that I have, but I am not sure the outcome would not have been the same except that I would have been out of a job and not been able to be the provider that I wanted to be for my daughter.  I think we both BLAMED each other for things that the other person may not have been RESPONSIBLE or ACCOUNTABLE to as we came to an end.  We are both equally RESPONSIBLE and ACCOUNTABLE.  I wish her all the best in this world.  Also, I would say that I am RESPONSIBLE for my health and fitness goals to include my diet and food intake.  Sorry if I BLAMED anyone as I am RESPONSIBLE for caring for myself.  However, it couldn’t hurt if Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream, Oreos and Reese Pieces didn’t exist.

Happiness.  People that know me understand that I like reading on a subject that is backed by research.   As the author of this book, Sonja Lyubomirsky, wrote, “An avalanche of studies has shown that happy moods, no matter the source, lead people to be more productive, more likable, more active, more healthy, more friendly, more helpful, more resilient, and more creative”.   Also, this topic is important to me for personal reasons.

Sonja starts by sharing 40% of our happiness level is within our power to control.  50% is determined by our own set point, 10% is determined by circumstance and the remaining 40% can be altered through intentional deliberate activity.  Sonja writes about twelve happiness activities that have been researched and determined to raise an individual’s happiness level.  As she discusses each activity, she provides examples of research that supports how or why this particular activity raises your happiness level.  She shares that not all the twelve activities are suited for every person.  She even has a test in her book that may help you determine which activities are best suited for you.

The twelve activities are as follows: 1. Expressing gratitude, 2. Cultivating optimism, 3. Avoiding overthinking and social comparison, 4. Practicing acts of kindness, 5. Nurturing relationships, 6. Developing strategies for coping, 7. Learning to forgive, 8. Increasing flow experiences, 9. Savoring life, 10. Committing to your goals, 11. Practicing religion and spirituality, and 12. Taking care of your body.

In the course of my life, I have come across happy and sad people or what can sometimes be referred to as positive and negative people respectively.  Is there a formula for happiness?  Outside of a medical condition, are there certain traits a person possesses that make them happier?  BTW, there is a study in this book conducted around people with and without depression on the effects of medication and exercise.  I won’t give away the results, but I think you will find them interesting.

This book helped me understand that while my life isn’t in my ideal place that I can still be happy because I am truly grateful for my family, friends, job, and life.  I am spiritual.  I do practice acts of kindness and I take care of my body.  I am committed to my goals.  It also helped me understand some opportunities that I have around improving my happiness level through cultivating optimism, not overthinking or social comparing, learning to forgive, and savoring life.

During this holiday season, take the time to be grateful by finding someone less fortunate then you and performing an act of kindness, attending church(personal choice), savor opening a gift, seeing christmas lights, smiling and laughing, eating a good meal, and being around friends and family.  Practice forgiveness and don’t overthink or ruminate on anything negative.  As you approach the new year, commit yourself to a goal not because someone else has something you want but because it is something you truly desire with passion.  Hit the gym or just go for a walk or hike and work off that holiday feast.  Take time to nurture your relationships.

God bless you all and Happy Holidays!

Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment by Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D. is a New York Times Best Seller by a professor that taught what became the most popular class on positive psychology, at Harvard University.

I have shared that I will be writing about several books that I have read on this topic and pull the

ideas or thoughts that are unique to the specific book.  Tal Ben-Sharar, Ph.D. references several of the other books, but what I like about his book first and foremost is that he provides exercises at the end of each chapter that you can try to experience what he is writing on.

He starts by defining happiness as “the overall experience of pleasure and meaning.”  It is easy to experience pleasure, but to experience a sense of purpose we must set goals for ourselves that are intrinsically motivated.  Tal Ben-Sharar, Ph.D. writes, “The goals need to meaningful and the journey they take us on needs to be pleasurable for them to bring about a significant increase in our happiness.”

Without fail, one of my friends will ask me if I am happy as if happiness is a binary term.  For those of you that are not familiar with this computer term it just means that happiness is either on or off.  First, if I were or knew how to be perfectly happy then I wouldn’t be reading all this material and studies.  I have good days and bad days without going into too much detail.  Life can be hard!  The question that Tal asks is “How can I become happier?”  He follows this up by writing that the question acknowledges the nature of happiness and the fact that its pursuit is an ongoing process best represented by an infinite continuum, not a finite point.  We should strive to be happier with each passing day, month, or year.

The final thing I will share with you is the four archetypes that Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D. describes in his happiness model.  He positions the archetypes in their quadrant based on the present and future benefit or detriment that is their outcome.  The first is the hedonist archetype that focus on enjoying in the present but don’t care about the consequences of their actions in the future.  The second is the rat racer which is me, I work hard in the present for some anticipated gain in the future.  The third is the nihilist and describes someone that doesn’t care about life and neither enjoys the moment or has a sense of future purpose.  Finally the happiness archetype, they believe that the enjoyment in the present will also lead to a fulfilling future.

I suggest you look into the MPS (Meaning, Pleasure, Strengths) model to find your calling.  This is meant to be a teaser as it is described in the book.

I will leave you with one final thought that Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D. shared and the poets he quoted.  We can be our worst enemy and create the world with which we blame.  Our attitude toward the events in our lives will decide if we want to be sad or happy.  Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “To different minds, the same world is a hell, and a heaven.”  Hamlet’s claim that “there is nothing either good or bad but thinking it makes it so” can be accurate.  What will you choose to focus on?

I came across this article in the Southwest Airlines Magazine February Issue during my travels about a path to being happy.  I haven’t written recently as I have been concentrating on learning my new position with EFI as a Sales Development Manager.  However, I continue to read for personal development and one of my major topics is around happiness.  This topic is both personal and professional.  Harvard Business Review has reported that happy people are 31% more productive,  have 37% higher sales, and are three times more creative than their counterparts.  There is a wave of research around what is being referred to in some circles as positive psychology.

The article creates a path to happiness.  I have found that there are reoccurring themes in each of my reads.  I will only speak to what this article suggests today and allow you to determine which steps are similar.  I have written about The Happiness Advantage, but still have to write about Happier, Flow, and The Happiness Equation.

The first step in the path is to drink a couple of glasses of water in the morning.  They mention an article that links bad moods to dehydration.  The next step in the path speaks to creating experiences versus buying something material.  Book a trip and the anticipation of the upcoming event alone will lift your mood.  Another step is to just go outside and it will energize you; if you can’t it mentions changing your wallpaper can create some energy, however I don’t think it will be equal.  One more step is to think of something that can make you smile.  In the face of stress, it mentions that the thought of a memory that can create a smile will lift your mood.  Do nothing is yet another step.  In The Happiness Equation, this is referred to as creating space and the article mentions The Happiness Track.  Moments of idleness or space can generate breakthroughs.  The Happiness Track is also mentioned in the next step of the path as it relates to creating real relationships versus virtual networking.  Relationships with others end of making us more successful and can be our greatest source of happiness.  Hit the gym is one of the more obvious steps in the path.  A Live Strong article writes about how exercise generates endorphins and seratonin that can relieve stress and make you happier.  Do something selfless is a step that is mentioned in several of my reads.  Pick something that you genuinely want to give back to and it can lead to enjoyment, satisfaction and translate to a happier, longer life.  Finally, it talks to creating an upbeat playlist.  This can go hand-in-hand with the exercise step.  I have incorporated this and use my list while at the gym, on an airplane, driving long destinations, or at home with a bluetooth speaker.  This works!

I would suggest you taking on one new step a week and evaluating the impact it may have on your happiness.  Personally, I have experienced that several of these effect my levels of happiness.